Pharmacy Rescue

A Brownwood woman whose husband has been missing for almost two weeks received some good news today. After being sent on an urgent errand by his wife, Mr. Gophechit Nowe was found languishing in line at the local Walmart pharmacy. Mrs. Nowe expressed her concern. “I hope nobody has scratched the Buick. And tell him…

Walmart Woos Whippers

In a stunning move today, Walmart announced that they will be creating designated whipping zones throughout their stores nationwide. “It’s been a problem for many years. No one wants to whip their kids in our stores,” said Bertha Beetum, Walmart spokesperson. Generations of kids have suffered senselessly at the hands of Walmart shoppers who have,…

Brownwood Walmart Adds New Lanes!

Walmart traffic was really on the move today. As the store pulsed and throbbed with its usual overflow of convenience seeking shoppers–all taking advantage of the one-stop shopping experience– the retail giant made the surprising decision to add additional lanes to help alleviate some pressure. Onlookers watched in amazement as the lanes seemed to just…