Town Hall Meeting; POTUS “Sticks” It To Us

Americans convened at Town Hall Thursday to discuss expanding background checks for the purchase of pointy sticks. In attendance were the useless usual political parties, President Obama, some liberal guy, millennial girl, several pointy stick nuts, and a few sketchy characters dressed in camouflage. One such character maintained that the right to arm one’s self…

Oregon’s Moolitia Occupation

Oregon– In rural Oregon today, a herd of Holstein cattle aggressively took charge of a chicken farm. They were reportedly heavily armed with a bear, two wolves, and a badger. Immediately afterwards president Obama announced that his minions staff was redoubling their efforts to strengthen background checks for the purchase of wild animals. “This is why weasels…

Drunken Redneck Denied Patent Approval for Time Machine Steering Wheels. Claims Bernie Sanders at Fault

    Norman, Oklahoma– Following decades of having bright ideas and finally mustering enough courage to pursue one of them, Albert Cropfield discovered only disbelief inside his mailbox today. He devoted literally weeks perfecting what he considers is the greatest innovation in time machine technology, “The Cropfield wheel” or simply put, a steering wheel for time…

A Spoonful of Injustice

The Supreme Court shocked America today when they declared that spoons do indeed make people fat. Liberals everywhere rejoiced in their win against the conservative cry, “Spoons don’t make people fat, people make people fat”. Conservatives continue to stick by this mantra and have vowed to overturn this decision.   While all types of spoons have…

Rain for Reign

11/04/2014. In responsive to the torrential rain storms sweeping the nation, republicans have been accused of seizing control of the HAARP weather station in an effort to affect voter turnout. HAARP, High Frequency Active Auroral Research Program, not to be confused with HARP, Home affordable Refinance Program, is the collaborative effort between the U.S. military…