Goggle Bob on Licorice.
What could be more tragic than finding out that your town has opted to build a huge freaking licorice plant right smack dab in your very own back yard? Nothing! And that’s just what has happened on the outskirts of a middle Texas burg. Never mind the sign that reads “asphalt”. Who the hell do these folks think they’re fooling? This is very clearly a full-blown, no-holds-barred licorice plant. One has only to breathe to figure that one out. Yuck! Licorice. Not a strawberry Twizzler. That would at least offer some value. No, these tanks are undoubtedly filled with nasty, old-fashioned licorice-– black as hate. The real deal! UGH!
Forget about the overwhelming un-fragrant stink for a minute. If nothing else, this place is a monument to failed deception and an impressive eye-sore. Massive, jet-black column shaped vessels standing silent in stark comparison to the squeezing, grinding, stirring, and oozing of the malevolent tar-like material deep inside their bowels. Gorged with asphalt? I don’t think so. Why, those are licorice towers if I’ve ever seen them. And what of the strange swamp built nearby? Is that the secret ingredient for licorice? Black, stagnant swamp water? Blech!
And who’s responsible for this hob-goblin of a creation? Site selection may offer a clue. The surrounding area, littered with retirement homes, is heavily populated with elderly residents–licorice lovers. Incapable of chewing anything denture-popping gooey, they’re tempted by air heavily laden with licorice particulate matter. Licorice scented tendrils tickle their memories of the good old days enticing cravings of long, black licorice sticks. The result is a feeding frenzy and dentures are flopping around everywhere. Dislodged teeth scatter like scrabble tiles, plates get cracked, and tiny pieces of licorice get wedged in obscure areas and cause all sorts of irritation. Total anarchy in the old-folks home!
Summation; An evil dentist is in league with that Wonka character and his beta-carotene infused bouffant buddies. Armed with a gargantuan, 24/7, fully operational licorice plant complete with its own swamp, there will be no end to their madness. Golden tickets be damned, there’s no stopping these bad candy making monsters!