Wisconsin– At least four hours after a thanksgiving feast, one secretly agitated family member, who sat stewing unnoticed in a sub-standard, plastic lawn chair and keeping to himself until achieving an adequate BAC, suddenly voiced an opinion regarding the fairness of portions. “This shit ain’t right!” Blurted out a clearly disturbed uncle Billy.
Uncle Billy, who had been silently performing math in his head as he sipped on one cool one after another, felt strongly that possibly as many as two family members, but certainly at least one greedy son-of-a-bitch, snitched more than their fair share of dinner rolls. According to the bereft uncle, grandma plucked two packages of twelve count rolls from the freezer. Divided equally, this should have provided four-each for the six celebrating family members. Struggling to maintain balance while seated in the bargain furniture, Uncle Billy waved his arms in an all-encompassing circular pattern, indicating that everyone in the room remained under suspicion. “We need to re-think this roll situation. Four each. Four each! Who the hell got the other two? Huh? One of you did. I know there were two packages, damn it! And I can prove it!”
Despite the brief bout of family dysfunction initiated by one inebriated family member, the thanksgiving holiday continued as usual. Later in the evening, everyone enjoyed a few good laughs and remained thoughtful enough to include drunken uncle Billy in the festivities, making the remarks; “Do you think you’ve got the correct number of beers?” and “I think you’ve had your four beers already, Bill.” Sometime around 10:00 pm, during another reckless, arm waving rant, a plastic leg snapped off his chair, spilling uncle Billy out on the cold, concrete surface of the family smoking room. Reportedly, in an all-out effort to redeem himself, he then retrieved the trash from the kitchen area, dumped it out on the living room floor, and began sifting through it in search of empty dinner roll packages while mumbling incoherently.