Neanderthal DNA Discovered In Slice Of Pepperoni 

A fascinating new twist in one scientist’s quirky approach to identify the specific origins of mankind has revealed a possible clue in the most unlikely of places. “I don’t know what made me want to test a slice of pepperoni for traces of Neanderthal DNA. I guess it was just a hunch,” said Bert Longlass, geneticist for…

 Local Driver Learns How To Merge

 Brownwood, Tx.–The Austin Avenue overpass, the third in the city’s history and the second to feature an on-ramp has recently been declared the site of the latest milestone erected in the annals of Brownwood’s gas-powered traffic period. Trumping the horse and buggy as the primary mode of local transportation as early as the 1970’s, the automobile…

Proper Reactions To Ten Common Valentines Day Gifts

1. You cheap bastard. 2. Stop trying to fake right-brain me. 3. That had better require batteries and include a trip to the Bahamas. 4. Not bad. I’ve got cramps, babe. I’m going to lie down. 5. WTF is that? 6. You have my attention. 7.  You’re beginning to understand me. 8. I love you,…

Tour de…Flat and Boring?

“I’m fed-up and I feel like quitting,” were the words one professional cyclist used to describe his mindset as he faces the 2016 cycling season. He later received praise from his peers for his sheer, mind-shattering honesty. “Whew! I’m so glad someone finally spoke the truth,” said another. “It’s just climb, climb, climb all day long.…

Singularity Forms Inside Man’s Digestive Tract While On Vegan Diet

Brownwood, Tx– A catastrophic nutritional event, similar to the familiar cosmic cataclysm that normally occurs in the far-flung regions of outer space, manifested itself deep within the heart of one local man’s intestinal fortitude today.  No longer able to support the tremendous weight of a meat and dairy free diet, his wavering will-power began collapsing inward.…