Thanks To ED Meds Penis Jokes Regain Popularity Among Older Men

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Nearly all medications, especially the effective ones, cause side-effects. Most are undesirable, unwanted, and unpleasant, but occasionally something good–a positive “un”–happens. Thus is the case with ED Meds.  Originally intended as a medication to treat hypertension, these wonder drugs provide us with the pleasant side effect of causing the aging male sex organ to become un-soft, un-pointless, un-unuseful; un-utterly ridiculous. Sporting wood as hard as fossilized hickory and armed with the potential to stay that way for far longer than nature had ever intended, older men once more find they’re able to enjoy a joke involving the male phallus.

Studies show that after only a few treatments, men who are well beyond their prime and have long since succumbed to the drudgery of facilitating the intimate needs of loved ones with inanimate, vibrating, properly lubed rubberized facsimiles of the erect penis offered in various sizes and colors which often include a feature for simultaneous anal stimulation to achieve heightened pleasure, are exuding confidence, anticipating punch lines, and participating in the jovial narration of tasteless stories of somber malfunction, performance anxiety, and abysmal disappointment deeply rooted in the bowels of penis-lore.

Eye-witness accounts confirm that during social gatherings, ED med enhanced men no longer sit quietly with their legs crossed in shame like some little bitch-ass mamma’s boy who pissed his pants, but instead are standing akimbo and will often grab themselves aggressively, drawing attention to their masculine intermediary while deftly timing this move to perfectly coincide with the hilarious conclusion of raunchy, sexist, and morally deficient attempts at humor.  It seems that it’s difficult to find whimsy in a short, crudely scripted tale of ED with a limp noodle in your lap–a wilted segment of wrinkled flesh, once impressive, but now a flaccid, powerless, and laughable parcel of manhood languishing pitifully like an aborted fruit at the end of a swollen, restricted prostate and has absolutely no hope of achieving the fully engorged, masterfully erect, effectually extended, wagon spoke-like, pie pounding, mushroom-headed, awe-inspiring, limp inducing glory of its former reckless, but sexually satisfying youth.

Now, thanks to the efforts of  Big Pharma, the decrepit penis can now be forced into a turgid, rampant, life threatening state, offering reassurance and building self-esteem characteristic of younger, more virile men than the desperate, geriatric old fools who are willing to risk cardiac arrest for the opportunity to express themselves in a frenzied act of crotch grabbing vulgarity in response to derogatory and often degrading remarks involving a shriveled, failing libido in retrograde that, much like the empathy of  these testosterone deficit pill-popping jokers, has gone to seed.

Some users claim that the psychological effect derived from simply possessing the wonder drug is sufficient to stiffen their resolve well enough to openly express a mean-spirited sentiment in the form of loud and obnoxious laughter at the humiliating doughy-dicked condition suffered by some other poor sap. “If I sense that I’m impressing someone, I’ll pop one, but I usually just sell my prescription to some young stud aiming for superstar status,” said Rocky Pounds, black market prescription drug dealer and occasional ED med enthusiast. “Just knowing that the potential is there makes it easier to laugh. It’s like, I’m not the one being made fun of. You know, it’s just a lot funnier when erectile dysfunction is someone else’s problem.”

During clinical trials conducted to determine the potency of these magic drugs’  witty aspect, participants reportedly maintained longer, stronger guffaws when subjected to amusing accounts of impotence ridiculing the waning qualities of someone’s ability to perform effective sexual acts with their partner, involving penetration, clitoral stimulation via penis, and proper and acceptable ejaculation on back, stomach, face or breasts.

With ED meds, it seems that older, insensitive men mired in the bitterness of age-borne lament with little more to offer below the waist than a big floppy, useless mass of corporeal warmth clad in wrinkled waste and dipped in the pale red inkwell of embarrassment have finally found their El Dorado. Worth more than its weight in gold, Viagra, savior of the sallow penis, has etched its place deep within modern society’s sense of humor, and will forever tickle into action not just a lazy, freeloading sex organ, but also our playful, and often callous funny bones.

At press time, Mr Pounds reportedly grabbed his chest in lieu of his crotch prior to a punch line delivery while attempting to simultaneously enjoy a laugh at someone else’s expense and prepare for a drug induced, wild, vein throbbing night with a young, gullible, misguided co-ed and could not be reached for further comment.

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