1. You have a scary bald spot.
2. Your ears are way too big.
3. It hides the tin foil you wrap your head with to keep out the mind control radio waves.
4. Occasionally, you have an irrepressible urge to grab a big fuzzy ball while in public and it helps you to avoid more jail time.
5. You can’t find your cap that you always wear backwards.
6. Reindeer antlers are out of season.
7. As it turns out, getting your ex’s name tattooed backwards on your forehead to remind you each time you look in the mirror to learn from past mistakes, wasn’t such a great idea.
8. You’re sprouting a third ear from the top of your head. Probably the twin you absorbed while in your mother’s womb.
9. Because despite what your practical joking friends would have you believe, there’s no such thing as a hair product called “foam sealant”.
10. You’re Michael Stuhlbarg–Archanan.