Warm Feet Just Not Worth It For This Secretary

[Photo by Goggle Bob]

[Photo by Goggle Bob]

When Debra Swindle decided to place a space heater below her work station she anticipated increased blood flow in her lower extremities, warmer toes, and a much more pleasant work environment. To her delight, she experienced all of this, however, her comfort would soon reveal itself as temporary, and costly. Sources report hearing a distinct, audible “snap!” originating from an adjacent closet coinciding with Debra’s space heater shutting down, followed by a loss of power in twenty-eight of forty cubicles, and facilitating the need for at least twenty-three computer reboots, the tedious realignment of more than eighteen printer heads, and the wearisome task of programming an 80’s vintage digital clock resting on a senior employees desk as well as the time and date on the microwave in the break room. Debra attempted to remedy the situation herself and avoid contacting management. “I’ve tangled with them in the past, and they’re pretty tough. Especially when the microwave goes down.” She slapped the heater repeatedly, and kind of kicked it with her foot a couple of times. She even unplugged it and plugged it back in–twice-all to no avail. “I guess I just don’t understand electricity,” she said.

Despite Debra’s best efforts to avoid discovery, ultimately, management intervened. A tripped circuit breaker in an electrical control panel divulged the true nature of the enigmatic problem. The breaker, marked cubicle 32-4, clearly implicated Debra’s workstation as the source of the circuit overload and the following near-meltdown of the third floor. As punishment for the unapproved heater installation Debra received an afternoon of administrative leave without pay, and told to just think about what she had done. “If people would just stay busy they would be warmer,” said her boss. “Movement increases blood flow.”

In response to her recent temporary dismissal, Debra said it wasn’t as bad as the time she updated her Facebook status while taking a bathroom break. “They placed me in time-out and forced me to stand in a corner of my cubicle during the term of my lunch hour,” she said. “I think that’s why we work in cubicles instead of circles.”

In response to managements “stay busy” remark, and in the interest of being a team player, during her time off Debra conducted an extensive research program (in between multiple viewings of  the 1980 comedic hit movie 9 to 5, in which three women overthrow their hypocritical boss), and she now suggests that anyone struggling with cold feet at work can do the bunny hop, the ever popular chicken dance, or jump up, do the hokey pokey and turn themselves around every ten minutes to stay warm. However, the nick, nack paddy whack, give the dog a bone song isn’t without merit. 

 At press time, Debra initiated a snap chat application download for use during work hours rather than Facebook,  which updates randomly, toggles personal settings without permission, and publisizes detailed activity, complete with location, for all users. 

Embed from Getty Images

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