The Lone Star State — Sarah Krasher astonished herself earlier this week when an amazing hidden ability revealed itself. Approaching a stop sign, she became distracted, and before she knew it she had passed straight though the intersection without so much as tapping the brake pedal. “I heard a loud screech, and when I looked up all the cross traffic had just halted,” she said. “It was like they were powerless to stop me.”
Intrigued with her newfound gift Sarah begin to experiment. She soon discovered that her power also included the ability to run traffic lights, and that she was impervious to blaring horns, hurled insults, shaking fists, and middle fingers.
Brimming with confidence, Sarah decided to push things to the limit. Approaching an intersection where she planned to execute a left turn, she ignored the turn indicator and began composing a tweet. Much to her delight she found that she could turn the aging Chevy just fine without engaging the lever jutting from the left side of the steering column. “Everyone just crammed on their bakes, honked and shouted. It’s like they were rooting for me, and nothing could touch me,” she said. “I felt like Iron Man, or Captian America. No, no no, More like, Wonder Woman! Just with an invisible car.”
Sarah noted that alcohol use, texting or talking on her phone while driving greatly enhances her power, and she often arrives at her destination with little or no memory of the intersections she’s passed through. “Texting really helps me to avoid the distraction of all the other traffic,” she said. ” Drivers can be so annoying.”
Reports indicate that this is not an isolated incident and is in fact a phenomenon that’s sweeping the nation. Drivers across America are blasting thier way through four way stops and glaring red lights. “We are approaching the crossroads of ‘technological advancement and self entitlement’ ,” said Sam Appleton, spokesperson for the Institute of Distraction Free Driving. “We are evolving, and the mere mortal motorist is becoming a thing of the past.” Researchers warn, however, anyone choosing to utilize thier power in areas of poor reception, i.e. pretty much anywhere AT&T provides coverage, should be aware that the intermittent service may cause undue frustration, and result in the temporary dismissal of social media, thereby reducing them to wallow in the mediocrity of being a single-tasking responsible driver.
Before press time, as she plowed through a stop sign, Sarah encountered another driver fortified with a similar superpower and won’t be available for further comment…ever.