Ten Things Only You Know About Your Neighbor’s  Annoying Dog That Never Stops Barking

Photo by Goggle Bob

Photo by Goggle Bob

  1. For the past six months you’ve been slowly poisoning him with arsenic.
  2. The reason his testicles are always swollen is because you spend your weekends shooting them with your kids BB gun at random intervals.
  3.  He won’t run into traffic unless lured with a pork chop.
  4. Despite having swollen testicles he can dodge a taser being fired at point-blank range.
  5. He’s really good at finding his way back home. His current record is twenty miles in only three hours.
  6. He’s obviously developing a tolerance for arsenic.
  7. Besides dodging a taser, he’s also highly skilled at avoiding oncoming traffic while eating a pork chop. Even with swollen testicles.
  8. He’s not the one leaving dog turds in your neighbor’s favorite deck chair late at night.
  9. Even though he can dodge a taser, he still can’t sprint the length of his yard fast enough to outrun a stream from a high pressure water hose. (Maybe those swollen testicles are finally kicking in.)
  10. His arsenic dosage has recently been increased.

    Photo by Goggle Bob

    Photo by Goggle Bob

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s