Not Enough Dogs To Live In This Town

Brownwood, Tx–Newlyweds living in Brownwood Texas announced today, their feelings of insecurity concerning the number of dogs they currently own. In a City where it’s fashionable to have up to a pack of canines this young couple can only boast of having two. When quizzed about their deficit they insisted they would obtain a puppy, or maybe…

Texas Driver Discovers She Has A Superpower

The Lone Star State — Sarah Krasher astonished herself earlier this week when an amazing hidden ability revealed itself. Approaching a stop sign, she became distracted,  and before she knew it she had passed straight though the intersection without so much as tapping the brake pedal. “I heard a loud screech, and when I looked up…

Home Depot Employees Disappearing Without A Trace

Brownwood, Tx.– Bees are not the only hard-working organisms vanishing these days. CCD, or colony collapse disorder, the malady that decimates bee colonies by causing confusion within the ranks of the worker bee population seems to have extended its reach to include The Home Depot. The popular lumber and hardware provider is reportedly suffering real losses…

Drunken Redneck Denied Patent Approval for Time Machine Steering Wheels. Claims Bernie Sanders at Fault

    Norman, Oklahoma– Following decades of having bright ideas and finally mustering enough courage to pursue one of them, Albert Cropfield discovered only disbelief inside his mailbox today. He devoted literally weeks perfecting what he considers is the greatest innovation in time machine technology, “The Cropfield wheel” or simply put, a steering wheel for time…