Arizona Resident Checks Into Nut-House After Unsucessfully Disputing Cable Bill

Cable Outage [Photo By Goggle Bob]

Cable Outage [Photo By Goggle Bob]

Surprise, Az– Arguments with the cable company seldom leave any of us on the right channel, but for one subscriber from the Grand Canyon State the reception was worse than usual. After enduring an extended outage Mr Lhitter Ali demanded a month of free service. Doing his best to mock the irreverent tone of the customer service representative he quoted him as saying ” If you think we’re going to do that, you’re crazy”. Shortly after the call, Mr Lhitter Ali thought long and hard and decided that he did actually think that they would do that, therefore he deduced that he must, in fact, be crazy. Fearing for his own personal safety, he located the nearest loony bin and admitted himself.  When asked how he felt about his recent decision to concede to professional care he insisted that it wasn’t half as bad as the time he asked a woman blocking an aisle at a Wal-Mart to move and was promptly told to “kiss her ass”.

“Yep,” he said. “That one cost me nine months in county, and now I’m a registered sex offender.”

Despite the hardships endured while behind bars, the recently deranged jail-bird offered that none were nearly as painful as the time he presented his wife with a dozen long stem roses only one day after the actual date of his wedding anniversary and got told to “stick them where the sun don’t shine”, clearly indicating that she wasn’t yet ready for reconciliation.  Mr Lhitter Ali  winced as he explained. “I suppose I could’ve  taken the easy way out and just put them in a drawer until she cooled off, but I knew what she meant.”

Sure, he’s bonkers, but this Arizona native hasn’t allowed his recent bout with mental illness to get him down. Instead, he says he feels lucky–lucky he’s alive. In addition to the aforementioned events, so far he has survived jumping from two cliffs,  into as many as a dozen lakes, one shit eating episode, and many, entertaining, though exhausting failed attempts to go f**k himself. “People are just so insensitive these days. They really should choose their words more carefully.”

After only a few days in clinical care Mr Lhitter Ali is adjusting well and making himself at home. “At least I’ve got free cable here.”

The interview ended abruptly when he complained about the food quality and got told to go to hell. He hasn’t been seen since.


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