Kilgore, Texas— After totally ignoring yet another late night phone call from his brother, a Kilgore resident received a text message shortly afterwards declaring him an “elbow”. The remark caught him off guard and caused deep emotional scarring almost immediately as he wondered why he didn’t rate at least “asshole” status. “Elbow? I expected to see a derogatory term,” said Dalton Dingle. “The word dick or even dipstick. He could’ve called me a pile of stinking dog shit. That wouldn’t have been so hard. But…elbow? I’m hurt. I thought I meant more to him than that.”
Mr. Dingle often makes a practice of not answering his phone when his brother calls during late hours and even goes so far as to turn off his ringer occasionally when he is trying to relax and get some rest before going to work the next day. In extreme cases he may even block his brother until the following morning. “I return his calls the next day, but I spend most of my time on hold. I guess there’s other elbows he needs to talk with.”
The growing rift between the brothers seems to have partially siphoned off Mr Dingle’s self-esteem. The feeble insult doesn’t carry enough weight to instill true confidence.
“I know, I know. I should probably stay up late, drink, and yak on the phone, but I just don’t have the willpower he has. That takes discipline.”
In the past, during these events when Mr. Dingle was very clearly snubbing his brother, he states that he would often endure amusing and creative insults to his manhood via text message. However, the recent “elbow” remark has left him feeling as if the brotherly bond is beginning to dissolve. Mr. Dingle forced back emotion as he tried to convey his feelings. “It’s as if he just doesn’t care anymore. He’s my brother for christ’s sake! Why can’t he just call me a butt-fucker? I just can’t be known as the elbow. That’s a name that could stick. It could ruin my reputation.”
In response to his siblings lack of affection, Mr. Dingle has vowed to do everything in his power to regain his brothers love and animosity. He plans to go to bed even earlier than before, eat a proper diet, exercise, and remain sober through it all. “Its all I know to do. Maybe if I lose some weight it’ll get his attention.”
At press time Mr Dingle’s brother put the Goggle Eye on hold, promised to return the call, but never did, so no comments from him are available. What a dickhole.