Brownwood, Tx.– Annoyed pedestrians can be seen shaking their heads in disgust as they tip-toe through the aftermath of a growing plague affecting Brownwood and the surrounding areas. Self-respect, the hallmark of upstanding citizens, is being lost at an alarming rate. It’s a growing problem that seems to target mostly those who wear pajamas out into public. “Those pajama bottoms just let it all hang loose. Stuff flips, and flops. Self-respect is just the first thing to fall out,” said Brownwood resident, Marylou Walker.
High concentrations of lost self-respect are piling up in some locations causing those possessing adequate levels of pride to seek alternate locales to purchase that morning cup of joe, or go shopping. “I think I knocked a front tire out of alignment pulling into an Allsups,” said Daren Driver. “It’s in drifts over there. And don’t even get me started on Walmart.”
Recently, steps have been taken to combat the growing amount of self-respect being cast aside. Courthouse officials have adopted into their community service program an effort to gather the discarded respect so that it may be reclaimed or redistributed at a later date. Also, anyone wishing to rehabilitate themselves may donate their pajamas for reconditioning, and re-distribution as well. Volunteers have agreed to recycle any self-respect, and make it available to anyone wishing to learn how to dress themselves appropriately before venturing from their homes, and into the public eye. In addition, they announced that any renovated pajama bottoms provided by them in the future will include an attached pamphlet outlining accepted wear practices. Additionally, These pamphlets will be available as a separate item, so If someone you know is habitually showing off their pajamas, their butt-crack, or favorite house shoes in public, please feel free to offer them one.