The Monsanto Corporation announced today plans to expand their child care facilities here in America. This, in response to the mounting prombem of genetic repossession now being conducted on a daily basis. “It’s just simply unbelievable how many of these children have been illegally obtained,” said Monsanto spokesperson, Jean Switchure. After being caught stealing patented genetic seed material by allowing their crops to cross-pollinate with Monsanto’s, and suffering stiff penalties for that crime, farmers worldwide should have learned an important lesson. But, it seems not, as the number of youths testing positive for Monsanto patented DNA is growing. Monsanto executives made their recent decision in favor of expansion based upon a grisly discovery that may explain this sudden increase.
Farmers are peddling their produce in “Farmer”s Markets” and spreading Monsanto genetic material beyond the farming community, and into the homes, lives, and wombs of city folk. After decades of eating illegally obtained food items containing GMO’s (Genetically Modified Organisms), more than our produce has been altered. “Almost every child born during the past decade has, at the very least, a trace of Monsanto patented technology in their genetic code,” said Switchure. Despite claims that Monsanto is evil, and has twisted the truth to serve a hidden agenda, Monsanto insists that they have in fact, exposed the truth as well as the real criminals, and are only doing the right thing by providing a home for these displaced children. “We don’t know the actual lineage of these poor kids, but one thing is certain; They are more Monsanto’s than any one else’s. Their genetic fingerprint proves that,” said Switchure.
Monsanto has gone one step farther to prove that they are more than fair by offering to those having Monsanto kids the opportunity to pay an annual fee for the right of possession. Most, however, cannot afford this option due to the accrued interest involved since the approximate date of conception. Those who can afford it must be tested themselves before taking possession, and therefore run the risk of being discovered as Monsanto property also.
Monsanto hopes that the recent introduction of their terminator seed technology wherein a seed will self-terminate after one generation will help to lessen the number of illegal child births. “If someone does manage to successfully steal Monsanto technology by eating a squash or a can of beans containing GMO’s, and passes that technology on to their children, then that offspring will not be able to reproduce. In other words, they will be sterile,” said Switchure. Monsanto is also working to infuse into their genetic material a special code that would dominate over any existing genes that determine facial features, therefore encouraging people to closely resemble each other in much the same way that produce resembles its own brethren. This would help the Monsanto-men-in-black squad to quickly, and efficiently identify theft of patented genetic material. Some argue that this is an indirect method of cloning, but Monsanto contends that it is no different from a bank teller placing an ink bomb into a bag of money being stolen by criminals; It’s simply a way to mark the trail leading to the bad guys.
Verified parents of Monsanto kids, allied with farmers, have tried unsuccessfully for years to force mandatory labeling of food products containing GMO’s. Monsanto has fought vehemently against this. Advocates for Monsanto speculate this is just a clever attempt by farmers to steal Monsanto’s patented product. This would allow them to target only Monsanto property, and weed-out all others. One has only to consider the increased amount of Monsanto genetic material showing up in the modern human race to side with Monsanto. If GMO products could be easily identified, then genetic theft could rise exponentially.
Is Monsanto becoming the father of human-kind, and taking over for god? Or, are they just making up for yet another indiscretion of farmers and those who support them? Will Monsanto manage to build enough housing for their children before their terminator seed technology has time to seep into the human genome and shut down the passing of patented genes? Or, will we one day be plunged into a genetic dust bowl with illegal DNA being forced into every nook and cranny of our lives by the winds of transgression?
Possibly the best response to these questions would be to purchase food with a critical sense of origin when stopping by a farmers market, or standing in the produce section of our supermarkets. If you’re not certain that it doesn’t contain GMO’s, don’t buy. We must do our part to protect Monsanto, and their precious patented gene technology. Future generations, and possibly, the human species are depending on it.
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