Fugitive Alert

Brownwood residents are warned to be on the look out for an escaped criminal from the Brown County jail. The inmate was first noticed to be missing during the early morning hours of October 31, Halloween day. According to officials at the jail, it is because of this particular holiday that the escape was made…

Praise The Lard!

  One of Brownwood’s iconic Mexican food restaurants shut their doors for a brief period today as health inspectors responded to claims of deliciousness and mouth-watering flavor. Chuck Realbudder, health inspector for the state of Texas remarked, “It’s as we suspected, they’re cooking with pure hog lard. You just don’t get this exquisite flavor with…

Mamil vs Mamil (Middle Aged Men In Lycra)

Farm to market road 45. Normally a peaceful stretch of hardtop, meandering gracefully through its rural setting like a tranquil, ashen river, became the arena for a horrible tragedy today when a long time feud between two disparate travelers finally reached a boiling point. Cyclists and joggers, forced to share the road by an overwhelming…

Nutty Water

Brownwood’s Mayor, Little Bigtacks, would like to remind everyone that the city’s  water recycling plant goes online early tomorrow morning. Many residents have voiced a negative opinion regarding this project, however, with the disappearance of Lake Brownwood it’s a dire, and immediate need. “We’re still searching for the culprits that stole our beautiful lake,” said…

Walmart Woos Whippers

In a stunning move today, Walmart announced that they will be creating designated whipping zones throughout their stores nationwide. “It’s been a problem for many years. No one wants to whip their kids in our stores,” said Bertha Beetum, Walmart spokesperson. Generations of kids have suffered senselessly at the hands of Walmart shoppers who have,…

Ebola Declared Insensitive and a Bully

It seems as though bullying knows no boundaries. Ever since Ebola first landed in the United states it has done nothing but ostracize the other top ailments. Ebola now owns the entire expanse of the spotlight after effectively edging out the big three–smoking, alcoholism, and obesity. Activists across the nation are voicing their outrage at…

Slow Traffic Light Heralds Pleasant Surprise

Traffic lights. Designed to create an air of tranquility among motorists, and ease the merger of automobiles as they move from one lane of traffic into another. The new traffic light at East Commerce and Riverside Park Dr., however,  has caused quite a stir among local Brownwood residents. Motorists attempting to exit from the Tractor…